Most people have had the misfortune to lose somebody close, and if its not happened to you yet, unfortunatley, it most likely will at some point.

Me, my mum and my little sister

So a little bit about my mum. She was the funniest person I have ever met and one of the most caring. On one hand she had sent me into a bakery to ask for titty buns (Belgian buns) but on the other we never had a Christmas Day with out some random neighbours who would have been alone if mum hadn’t gone out and rounded them up.

She was a nurse and played the same kind of tricks on people at the hospital, asking one trainee to go to the pharmacy to collect a falopian tube, which he did! Clearing out her stuff after she had gone we found a lot of confusing things including a zimmer frame, a false leg and a giant blue teddy shaped like a cock and balls (below)

As amazing as my mum was she had an illness, she was an alcoholic, bought on by some very traumatic events in her younger years

With the help of an amazing charity called Aquarius she was able to get control of her drinking BUT it was already to late. Her body had become dependant on the alcohol and she was told that giving it up would claim her life within six months.

She lasted nine.

She had a fall and went into hospital, not unusual but the following morning I got a call from my dad asking me to go to the hospital. I new it was bad as he called me ‘sweetpea’, he had never done it before and has never done it since so I new it was bad. I ran out of work in tears and got there as soon as I could where it was explained to me that she had gone into multiple organ failure, her liver and kidneys had stopped working and her heart and lungs were struggling. She was on life support.

You always remember your mum for her personality, which is normally huge because it has been dominant in your life but my mum looked like a tiny little doll in that giant hospital bed with tubes everywhere, surrounded by machines.

She went in on the Sunday, the day after my brothers birthday, and on Tuesday we were told to contact family. The decision had been made to turn the machines off as there was no chance of recovery and her condition was becoming uncomfortable for her.

I arrived at the hospital and went straight to my mum but no one else was there. All of a sudden my sister burst through the doors in tears followed by my brother, whilst me and my sister held each other my ‘little’ brother managed to sweep us both up in his arms and the three of us just sobbed. My brother then went to our mum and explained what was happening, she hadn’t been concious since the fall but at my brothers words she sat up! He fell to the floor but my dad appeared out of no where and put his arms around our mum and said ‘thank you for 33 amazing years and 3 amazing children’ at which she just relaxed into his arms.

We new then that she understood and accepted what was happening, a relief to all of us over the years since. Shortly after our two aunts arrived and, as we all sat with her, they turned her life support off. We were warned she would go quickly so we were all crying but she lasted over an hour which meant when she did slip away she was listening to us all talking and laughing sharing stories from our childhood and hers.

It was the best send off we could have hoped for.

With her drinking our relationship was strained but she died our hero, she put a few quality months with her family ahead of her drinking and anyone who has seen alcoholism knows what a challenge that was, and after 30 years of drinking too.

The whole gang!

The real effects of alcoholism are very wide spread and the disease is often dismissed as trivial, something that can just be fixed, but this is not the case. Mum suffered trauma and it wasn’t caught early enough and so spiraled into a full coping addiction. Watching someone you love fight their demons and not being able to help or even understand is trauma in itself.

Please be careful and if you are starting to feel that ache for a drink or you know someone who is on the edge of losing control please try your hardest to break through and get them help.

I had no idea it could be to late to save someone from alcohol until this and I can’t tell you how much I regret not doing more to help

There is a lot of help out there for anyone who needs it, your best bet is to give it a google as it can be regional.

Thanks for letting me pour my heart out.

Lots Of Love Kel xx